Vacation at a Digging Site
by IDIC 8
Summary: After 'Survival' Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover. NO SLASH. A digging site in the desert, depressions, PTSD.
1. Chapter 1 - The Call

**Vacation at a Digging Site**

_After 'Surviva'l Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover, but Blair's panic attacks worsen and then they are dragged into an investigation._

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made._

* * *

Introduction

Blair is at the hospital after the events of 'Survival' and having a hard time coping with the airlift and his gunshot wound. Jim decides he needs a vacation and remembers Blair had mentioned one of his friends had invented him to come to his digging site. So he starts to organize vacation somewhere warm and dry.

Chapter 01 - The Call

Jim entered the loft and booted Blair's computer before he had even taken his jacket off, it then landed on Blair's futon with the keys, he grabbed a notepad and a pen from the mess Blair called a writing table.

After a long search - whew, Blair got more mail in a week than he did in three months! - he found the invention from Blair's friend but it was just signed with E. though a Professor Evans was mentioned. It spoke of a larger archaeological camp in south Mexico - almost an outpost of Rainier… and Blair was invented for vacation or work for as long as he liked and was free to bring his girlfriend or whoever he pleased. Blair has answered that he was really tempted to work with his mentor again but had too much to do right now. Jim felt a bit bad about reading the email, but this was for a good reason. The bottom of the mail contained the faculty address but nothing about the exact location so Jim called the bureau and a secretary was kind enough to give him a Mexican phone number and the instruction to write an email if he could not reach anybody cause the phones where not really reliable there she told him. Jim tried the number and was lucky. It just rung twice before someone picked up.

"Ethan."

"Hi there, Ethan who..?"

"Ethan Phillips, sorry. Who's there?"

"I'm Jim Ellison and a friend of Blair Sandburg and I'd like to speak to Professor Evans."

"Is Blair alright?" Ethan sounded slightly alarmed.

"Yeah, he'll be at least - you know him?"

"We're good friends, Professor Evans is my partner's father and we've been to several expeditions together and wrote two or three papers together during our first semesters, we started together. I'm the archaeological leader of this digging site… well, it's more camp. Why are you calling? Is something wrong?"

"Well, Blair told me his prof invented him and… Blair was injured during our work last week and I think a vacation /change of tapestry is overdue. So I wanted to ask if we could visit you for two weeks or so…"

"How bad is it? Where is he? Why isn't he calling?" Ethan seemed really concerned.

"He was shot in his thigh, concussed and he's still at the hospital… happened a week ago. I call because I am not sure he'd do it himself, I hope I can drag him to a vacation, his mood hasn't been the best in the past four days. Maybe surprise him with a journey is a good idea. No matter how I'd like to make it impossible that he says NO. I want to drag him somewhere where it's neither cold, nor wet and where he finds some nice company and something to keep his mind busy with something interesting. A beach or hotel vacation doesn't seem to fit. So I try to find out if it was an honest offer and still available for him or the both of us. I'm not sure if travelling alone is an option right now…"

"We'd be really happy to see him, guess this camp could be the perfect fit for your needs and of course you can come along."

"You don't need to discuss this with the professor or the U?"

"Hey, I am the leading scientist, what I need is what happens." Ethan returned with a huge grin in his voice. "Proposal: I talk to the staff and my father about the details to plan this and call you back tomorrow. When will he be released from the hospital? How soon can he travel and how will you come here? Plane?"

"Woah!… I don't know that yet, guess he should rest a few weeks at home before boarding a plane…."

"Why? We have a fully equipped clinic at the camp.. sitting at home for weeks might worsen his mood beyond good. My partner is the chief medical doctor here, we have one more guy who was a medic and a nurse on staff and the next month my father's best friend Geoffrey, a psychologist, will arrive here to stay for three months at the camp. Enjoying his retirement. … so I think you should consider flying as soon as Blair's doctor allows it - before he gets bored and in a really bad mood…. I know Blair sitting around is a no go."

"You're right… but I don't want to cause your doctor additional work, it's not his responsibility."

"He's my life-partner. He'd be pissed if we'd hinder him caring for a good friend of mine."

"OK. Got it. Glad to hear. He really needs some time off. I'll be glad to hear from you. Thanks! Call you tomorrow."

"You're welcome. Bye."

"Bye."

Jim lowered the receiver and breathed a sigh of relieve. This sounded better than he'd hoped… really good in fact. He'd talk to Blair's doctor tonight. Now he needed a quick shower before heading for the station to write his statement and to talk to the FBI and tell Simon what he found out.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Flight

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 2**

_After 'Survival' Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover. NO SLASH. A digging site in the desert, a gay couple organizing the excavation, depressions, PTSD._

_English is not my native language ( I am german) and I hope you'll excuse grammar and spelling mistakes._

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made._

* * *

**Chapter 02 - The flight and the first night in the camp**

Ten days later Simon came to the loft to pick them up and to bring them to the airport as promised. Jim had spend the past week organising the trip. Repeated phonecalls with the camp had made it quite clear to him that they were really welcome there and that Ethan and his partner Micheal - the doctor - were eager to help Blair heal in any way they could. Ethan had hinted that he owed Blair for how much he had helped him during exams. And Michael's father Nathaniel, who was one of Blair's favorite mentors, had expressed his worries when he heard that Blair was kind of down. Jim hadn't known but the professor obviously knew things about Blair he didn't say, but Jim got the hint that he feared a depression and that it was important to at least slow it down as fast as possible. Michael had several phonecalls with Blair's doctor at the hospital and things happened fast from there on, he seemed to have said a lot of things that removed any obstacles at all.

Blair had been not his usual self, he was withdrawn, quiet and had tried to hide at least three panic attacks he has had from Jim. The Sentinel had decided to leave it for the moment, had just stayed with him and help him through the nights with his presence. Blair had nightmares and was restless but was not talking about it, no nonsense about getting it off your soul, no cleansing by talking, nothing. The doctors had suggested Blair should take some antidepressants, but he refused. Though he made Jim get to a weird store and buy homeopathic remedies and tea. The PT was torture, especially since Blair wasn't helping at all, he just endured it.

Only when the flight was confirmed, two days after the first call to Ethan, Jim told Blair about the travelling plans. Blair had been kind of flabbergasted with the idea, not showing joy or rejection, which made Jim ask himself if he had done the right thing. Blair didn't talk about the topic for one whole day, he talked extremely little at all. Jim called Ethan and gave the phone to Blair in the hope he'd been cheered up a bit right after he had told him about the booked flight. Blair had been polite but it had sounded a bit compelled for Jim. The day before the flight Blair was send home to pack and only then a tiny bit of anticipation could be found.

When loading the car they had a short quarrel because Blair didn't want to use the wheelchair - though he had promised Michael before to do so. It was the one of the conditions Michael and the hospital doctor allowed Blair to do the journey. After a short but slightly lound argument, in which Jim threatened to manhandle him into it and then cuff him to the armrests, Blair gave in an sat down in the wheelchair but insisted on not being pushed but to stir himself. So they went down with the elevator and Jim loaded all their stuff into Simon's car.

At the airport they had quite a lot of time left to get rid of their luggage, get their boarding passes, and do all the stuff one needs to do prior to a flight. Simon decided to stay with them for a while longer instead of just leaving them, maybe because he was afraid that Blair would be out of the chair as fast as Jim was out of sight, loose the chair mysteriously… hide it or whatever.

They checked in and headed for a café to have a last drink together. Simon used his badge to get behind the security line. They were joking around about the usefulness and occupational hazards of police work and how they affected private life.

When it was almost time for boarding, a steward approached and asked Blair how he wanted to be taken to the plane and offered him to be carried into his seat. That was the moment Blair finally got really pissed about the whole thing. Jim took the crutches, offered them to a cursing Blair and said "Ok, go over there on your own feed. But don't come to me complaining if it starts hurting or bleeding again."

Jim had convinced Blair to swallow some pain meds before they left in the morning but they would wear off soon.

They said goodbye to Simon and thanked him again for the chance of a long vacation. They were allowed in before everybody else and Blair limped to their seats on the crutches without incidents and they settled down.

Jim took his time to really look at his guide, who seemed a bit green around the nose and wasn't really breathing in a normal pattern. Not really fast, just not normal. He helped him put the handluggage in the compartment above and folded his large figure into the seat next to him. Blair closed the window shades. He decided to monitor his friend closely when he realized this was the first time in the air after the airlift. A new prick of guilt hit him because he hadn't prevented that from happening. Blair had made quite clear he didn't want to talk about it by ignoring the matter in general and espacially when the matter of using a plane for the journey had arisen. Right now he seemed unhappy and was obviously not well. They buckled up and waited for lift-off.

Finally the plane rolled toward the runway and Blair's tried to slow down his heartbeat by will, but it quickened nevertheless, his body felt hot and he was sweating. Of course he had realized during the past week that not only his thigh was hurt during their last case. He knew he was down and his mood was constantly dark. He wondered why none had urged him to see a therapist, yet. Now, the fact that he was about to fly again send waves of panic through him. He had tried to convince himself that the episode about the airlift was nothing and just caused by the shock and the stress from the case. But now he had to admit he was mistaken. The way his body rebelled now was definitely more, it was borderline anxiety attack. He concentrated on breathing slowly and hoped it would be over soon.

Jim wondered how he could calm down his guide without making Blair feel ashamed or even recognizing it. He tried to find an interesting conversation topic so Blair would be so much involved in the conversation forgetting about the flight. Jim tried several themes but whenever he posted a question Blair's answers were single-worded. It was quite hard for Jim to stick to a conversation with somebody who didn't even seem so recognize what the conversation was about. He then decided to use a more direct approach.

"Want something to drink?" Jim tried to hand him a bottle of water and some mint dops to suck, but Blair refused and looked as if he might get sick if he had to think about anything to eat.

Jim grabbed his hand which was resting as the armrests of the seat.

"It's ok Chief, you'll be fine…..."

Instead of jumping up Jim's throat as Jim had feared Blair closed his eyes, leaned his head back and started breathing deep and controlled. He said nothing but Jim realized he used a breathing technique he had often guided himself through successfully. Blair didn't remove his hand from under his and Jim left his where it was.

Blair didn't even stir until the plane was in the air. When he finally opened his eyes he seemed shaken.

"You're ok?"

"I'm fine… just ….."

"…. just?"

He seemed a bit out of it and his voice was hoarse. Jim wondered if he had brought himself to this state on purpose or if it was due to the panic, but then he decided to stop this strain of conversation.

A speaker announced that the flight would last approximately three hours and the weather was supposed to be fine. Jim sighted inwardly because that would mean less stress for Blair.

Half an hour later the stewardess passed with a candy and soda cart. She politely asked if they wanted something to eat. Jim asked for a simple meal since breakfast was quite a while ago. Blair refused to even think about eating and ordered some coke, which surprised Jim, usually Blair minded a healthy diet.

But even the sugar in the soda didn't improve Blair's color. He was still looking pale an hour later when he tried to stand up to grab a pillow from the overhead compartment.

Jim stood up, too and helped him to get pillows and a blanket. When he took a look around Jim saw the wheelchair folded and buckled in a few rows ahead. No doubt Blair had hoped someone forgot the thing. He wondered where the crutches were and decided to go and ask a steward for them in case Blair needed to use the restroom.

'….still might be easier to use the seat's headrests for support than use them in here.' Jim thought, but it turned out they were in the fright hold. Jim had a discussion with the steward and the answer was a dumb grin. He was asking himself silently how they could be that stupid and asked the steward how a paraleptic was supposed to reach the toilet at all. He was stunned by the answer that he just couldn't. Jim asked what happened in case the flight was delayed and was rewarded with a shrug and another dumb grin. Which left him kind of speechless. He returned to his guide.

"Do you know who's gonna pick us up?" Blair asked and interrupted Jim's thoughts about airline politics.

"No. They weren't sure. Depends I guess." Jim answered.

"On what?"

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"Will we go straight to the camp?"

"I am not omniscient, Sandburg." Jim's tone implied he was unnerved so Blair decided to keep his mouth shut for a while.

Blair tried to sleep for over an hour but was much to aware of the window less than a foot next to him. And much to nervous about all the free space he knew was under him, and the wind rushing harshly over the plane's outer skin. Constantly fighting off a panic-attack since they had boarded the plane was playing his nerves and he hoped nothing would snap until they were save and alone. His thoughts went in circles around the theme and his own disbelief. He had known he'd have to enter a plane, why wasn't he able to controll it now? He knew in order to do this journey they'd fly, but back then he had thought it would be ok, and that he had done this often enough not to be nervous about it. It hit him in the back when he had taken his seat and was stricken by the first wisp of a anxiety. He had to gain all his concentration to keep the panic down during take-off. He felt like the air was getting thinner inside the cabin every minute the flight lasted. Something was pressing his chest, preventing him to gather enough air. He had hoped that once they were in the air it all would be ok, feeling again like always when he used a plane, but it didn't. He wasn't able to relax and had the feeling he had to struggle for every single breath. Trying to sleep wasn't helping. Every time he drifted towards sleep the panic grew. He decided to try to meditate and get himself in a light trance and not to even look at the direction of the window again. Blair's mood was quite grumpy and this made the flight all but a relaxed journey neither for Jim nor for him.

Finally the pilot announced that they'd land in a short while and asked the passengers to return to their seats and prepare for landing.

When the plane started to sink through the clouds Jim could hear Blair gulp heavily and his heartbeat quickened, in fact it was faster than it had anytime before on this journey. Jim blamed it to the gravity-shift and realized that it must feel like the wind shaking and lifting the basket during the airlift.

After touchdown Blair still looked not really like himself and he didn't move before all the other passengers had left the cabin _and_ Jim had addressed him several times. He seemed to have produced a zoneout of his own. This time Jim wasn't sure if he'd make it out of the plane on his own. Blair slowly rose, distressed and a bit disoriented while he looked around for the crutches.

"Sorry, buddy they are not here, we have to wait until they bring them…. Would be faster if you allow them to carry you down the stairs." Jim meant to tease him but Blair was not in the mood.

"No way, man!" Blair even seemed angry and Jim decided to leave it alone.

So they waited. Jim took their luggage, organized their stuff and half an hour later the steward was finally there with the crutches.

Blair rose to his feet and hobbled toward the door, grumpy and more than unnerved.

When they stepped through the door heat hit them and Jim was relieved. At least this is far way from cold and wet.

As soon as they had cleared the stairway the steward passed them with the wheelchair in his arms.

He unfolded it in front of Blair and signed him to sit down.

"Doctors orders, you remember the terms you were allowed on this journey, don't make it harder on all of us, please. Just do it, would you?" Jim pleaded, gathering patience.

".. I know…." Blair answered tiredly and sat down carefully.

Jim wondered in how much pain he was to have stopped resisting. Or maybe he was just afraid that Michael would pick them up and catch him walking on his own and send him home again, as he had threatened if Blair didn't follow his orders. Michael seemed to be a stern doctor that took his job seriously, Jim and Blair both had spoken with him on the phone. Blair had only seen him once, when they had met at the U at the beginning of Ethan's and Michael's relationship, a few years ago. Back then Michael was an intern at the time and it wasn't quite clear if this would turn out to be an long-lasting-kind of relationship. But it seems to have become exactly that. Whatever Michael had said to Blair at the phone Blair seemed to have decided to follow orders surprisingly quick.

Ethan had promised to organize that someone would pick them up because it would be to exhausting for Blair to travel even a part of the distance with a local train or bus. The journey on the jeep would be hard enough and last almost three hours when driving carefully not to shake Blair more than necessary. Also, the camp needed supplies so somebody would be in town anyway. Ethan would probably the one coming but they didn't really know.

When they entered the quite small airport-building Jim found their luggage had been cleared out the plane and was waiting for them on a baggage cart. Stewards were helping passengers finding their luggage or anything else they needed. Blair rolled over to the cart to grab it and tried to turn it around but the chair moved and Jim hastily grabbed it because Blair hadn't fixed the brakes.

While trying to find out what Blair was trying to do a kind-looking man with dark brown short hair approached. When Blair saw him he started to rise but was stopped by the person immediately, who was obviously Ethan. They hugged and Blair was almost his happy usual self again for a few minutes while he introduced Jim and they started chattering fast.

Jim realized during the first minutes of their meeting that Ethan observed Blair quite careful, obviously trying to determine his friend's state of health and mind. He looked a bit worried but didn't try to hide it.

They chatted about their flight and made some more smalltalk while they left the building heading for a parking lot. It was simply a large flat dust-covered area where cars were parked and it looked more than a junkyard than a parking lot. Several taxi drivers were trying to drag tourists into their cars and traveling hawkers were offering sunglasses and other knickknacks. Moving the chair on the sandy ground was obviously hard work for Blair so Jim gestured that he'd take over and waited until Blair's hands where up before he started pushing him, earning a scowling sigh.

Jim was relieved when they had Blair and their stuff settled in a large 4x4 jeep and headed for the highway. Blair was obviously a lot better now that the flight was behind them and he was save in the relative quiet of the car. Jim sensed him relaxing and enjoying the presence of his friend.

Blair started asking about archeological stuff and how they got there and how Ethan's father was. Jim wondered why Blair wanted to know so many minute details concerning the camp and the daily routine.

They followed the highway for about two hours, making time on the flat surface, but then had to leave it for a smaller road. Jim leaned forward cause he was sitting in the back and offered Blair another dose of his pain meds but Blair impatiently shook his head and refused. Since Ethan was fumbling with the radio and Jim had been talking in a low voice and the jeep was quite loud Ethan seemed not to have heard the question.

After half an hour Jim grew tired of listening to the academical stuff Ethan and Blair were discussing, leaned back and dosed of.

An hour later he woke up when he realized the car was slowing down.

He opened his eyes and saw a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. It seemed abandoned.

Ethan stopped and left the car to fill the tank. Jim made another try to convince Blair to take his meds and handed him the pills without asking together with a bottle of water.

"Come on buddy, do yourself a favor and take them, I see you're hurting"

Blair looked at the ceiling "Ok, ok" took them, and started to leave the car.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to pee, man!"

"Wait, I'll get the chair"

"You think there's a real toilet around here?…. and how do I manage to pee standing up while sitting?"

Jim grinned "Ok. Get the crutches then at least." He also left the car and handed them to his guide.

Blair hobbled to the back of the building.

Ethan looked up from his work "He's not an easy patient, isn't he?"

"Nope! He is not! We've been arguing about this chair and he's been more off it than in it when he wasn't sitting in any other way!"

"Don't worry, Michael will wash his head for not following orders. Though the sandy ground is definitely an argument to use the crutches."

"Well. During travelling a wheelchair is also even more an obstacle than all the other time."

"Yeah…. I know." Ethan replied.

"Anyway, tomorrow afternoon he's allowed to get rid of it. He should just relax, but he doesn't."

"We'll work on that as soon as we are in the camp. Let's get on the road again, you need anything else?… I'll go pay for the gas."

"No, I'll look for Blair"

When Jim rounded the building he found out the station in fact had a toilet. It probably wasn't connected to a sewer system but it seemed clean and provided privacy and paper.

Blair was just stepping out of it. He had parked the crutches on the outside of the small cubicle.

There was a small standpipe next to the latrine and he started washing his hands. Jim and Ethan also used the facilities before they got back on the road.

This time Blair wanted to sit in the back. Jim wasn't able to see his guide and speculated that this was exactly what Blair wanted, and some quite to close his eyes for a bit. So Ethan explained Jim further things about the camp and when he turned his head twenty minutes later to take a look at Blair he found him sound asleep. They spoke about his job with the police department and they had a quite interesting conversation.

An hour later Jim heard Blair's breathing speed up, which indicated he was about to wake up. A soft moan left his guide which Ethan couldn't have heard. Jim asked himself if Blair had taken the medicine or dumped it into the toilet. There was a frown on Blair's forehead and he looked as if in pain.

Jim took the pills out of his pocket and leaned over to the back seat and carefully woke Blair up.

Blair opened groggy looking eyes, frowning about being woken up he looked at Jim.

"Did you take the pills or did you dump them?" he asked in a tone as neutral as possible.

Blair looked at him stubbornly and Jim felt an upcoming discussion about taking chemical stuff. Wanting to kill it even before it got started he held two pills in front of his face.

"Sandburg, we have one more hour on the road, the bumps will get rougher and you don't want to know how much it will hurt….. where's the use in hurting even more!…. please, Chief…."

Blair seemed to already be hurting enough to agree, took the pills and gulped them down dry.

Jim was relieved and asked himself once more why his guide seemed to do more to help on his pains than to ease them.

They continued once more to talk about the camp, the digging sites, the staff, the quarters, the history of the camp and whatever crossed their mind to pass the time. And Jim wondered again since when Blair needed so much details in advance.

When the sun was really low Ethan promised they'd be at the camp in about 20 minutes but warned them that the road would get rougher and therefore he'd slow down even more, with normal speed one could reach the camp within 10 minutes from where they were.

Jim heard Blair wince several times when the jeep jumped heavyly and it seemed there were more and more bumps and chuckholes and then the road seemed to even disappear at all.

Half an hour later they saw a few signs indicating they were heading for a camp operated by the Rainier University. They stared at the desert, tainted in nice red and orange colors from the sinking sun, around them what'd be their home for the upcoming weeks. Ethan and Nathaniel had made it quite clear that coming here for only a few days wouldn't be enought and Simon had agreed to give them more time.

Blair grew more quiet with every passing minute, and Jim suspected that he was in way more pain than the two pills could kill. He turned around to take look at Blair s face.

"How're you doing there?"

"I'm fine." But other than expected Blair didn't sound grumpy or pissed by the question, just tired.

He turned back and tried to ignore Blair's heavy breathing.

Finally they approached what seemed to be a large circle of tents and was in fact the backside of the camp. Those were the living quarters arranged in two almost perfect oval rows.


	3. Chapter 3 - Arrival at the Camp

Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 2

_After 'Survival' Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover. NO SLASH. A digging site in the desert, a gay couple organizing the excavation, depressions, PTSD. _

_English is not my native language ( I am german) and I hope you'll excuse grammar and spelling mistakes._

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands __and no profit is being made__._

* * *

Five minutes later they pulled into a parking lot next to an one-story building with a flat roof.

"Here we are, that's it!….. I'll go get Michael and my father to greet you….. they might be at the campfire, which is often used after dinner… or maybe they are still working." Ethan left and Jim and Blair started to clamber out of the large car, stretching their unused muscles after the long journey.

When they opened the rear side of the jeep to get their stuff out, several people came out of the building: an about 65 year old tall man with a nomad-like easy-rider appearance. He grinned fatherly and headed towards Blair, they hugged and greeted each other extensive. Ethan introduced Michael's father Nathaniel to Jim since Blair was captured in greeting other students now. Another tall man turned out to be Michael, the camp's doctor and Ethan's companion for almost five years now. He was a bit older than Blair and had long, dark gray and black hair he wore in a lax pony-tail. His statue was slimmer than Ethan and as tall as Jim.

It was already almost dark and Nathaniel invited them to take a look at their room, so they headed inside. When Michael realized that Blair wasn't in the chair he asked about where it was and without discussion unloaded and unfolded it, signing Blair to take a seat. Blair sat down seeming not eager to have a discussion with his new doc at first site, so he decided to leave it alone and allowed to being wheeled inside.

They were shown a nice room bigger than the average hotel room with two double beds, one in the middle and one at the opposite side of the door, next to a small window.

"That's your room, the students and the staff usually sleep in the tents. Only Michael and Ethan sleep in the building. I have made my bureau changed into something between a bedroom, a bureau and a living room and also sleep inside. It is a privilege because in the summer the brig building is cooler than the tents and the restrooms are nearby. Blair needs a proper room right now. We understood he isn't able to use latrines somewhere on the grounds." Nathaniel explained, Blair looked down at the ground.

After they had put the luggage down they continued their inspection of the building and had a short look through a window into the infirmary, which was down the hall and the mess hall on the other side.

"You must be quite hungry. We had food prepared for a late meal and this is the mess. So let's sit down there and wait for Ethan to get the food from the freezer." Michael proposed and the mess hall.

They settled down, waited, and talked. Some students joined them, they had spend the day at a digging site and hadn't eaten, too. The large table in the back of the room provided room for them all. Blair could sit at the small side of the table without leaving the chair.

Ethan and another student came back bringing a large trolley of food. They ate fresh homemade bread and fried vegetables, talked about the journey and enjoyed the meal.

When they had finished eating a guy with obvious italian ancestors offered to make real espresso, he had brought his machine, stating he couldn't live without it. The group laughed and was eager to try his version of coffee.

Jim observed Sandburg's moves in regular intervals and with a frown. He realized Blair had gotten recognizable paler since his last looked at him. He leaned closer to Michael who sat next to him.

"Is it possible to take a look at Blair's leg tonight? The road had been heavy on him and he seems to be in pain…. and he's much to quiet."

"Yeah, already planned that. Better sooner than later, he doesn't look good. Let's do this now." Michael rose. "Blair I'd like you to come to the infirmary with me. I promised my colleague to have a look at you as soon as you arrive, guess we're kind of late on that already."

"Can't we do that tomorrow, I'm ready to hit the sac already." Blair tried to escape the examination.

"Doctor's terms, Chief, remember? Let's go." He also stood.

"Stay put Jim, I think I can handle this on my own!" Blair retorted unnerved, not much to Jim's surprise.

Where did that come from? Jim wondered. Well, it had been a really long and hard day ….

Michael left the room and Blair followed him awkwardly. He thanked the others and wished them a good night.

Michael held the infirmary door open for him and closed it behind him, then took a look at the copy of Blair's file, which was on the desk in the right corner of the room. "Let's see, you had surgery on the fifth… …. Right…. Will you please show me the bandages?…. You can sit on the table over there." He gestured toward an examination table which stood next to a hospital bed on the left side of the room. "You need help undressing?"

"No thanks." Blair mumbled, fastened the brakes, folded the footrests up and started to rise slowly. He felt weary and like a hundred years old. His leg hurt more than at any point during the past week and he was really exhausted.

Michael stood ready to assist him on his way to the gurney. When Blair had reached a standing position he was surprised when he realized that that it was possible to feel even more tired than he had moments before… in fact he felt really weak now … and wasn't sure if he had the strength to walk over the three steps to the table. He heard a rushing noise and wondered where this was coming from but then realized he had more urgent matters at hand - like nausea… and it was getting darker in the room by the minute. While he still tried to understand what was happening he distantly felt like falling. Somewhere far away a voice called his name before the world completely grayed out.

Michael had watched Blair fold away the footrests and slowly standing up, he stood ready to assist him. Blair was pale, but standing upright he paled even further.

"Blair? You're ok?…. Blair?" Michael asked, his voice worried. He prepared himself to give Blair a hand in case it was needed. Blair didn't answer, he just blinked twice. He suddenly went white like a sheet and his breathing was shallow Michael observed…. _Not good_…

"Blair?… you're with me?" Michael reached for Blair's arm. He stepped in front of him when Blair's gaze went distant and only seconds later his eyes rolled back in his head and he sagged forward.

Michael was a large and fit person and he had catched the anthropologist before he had time to sink to the floor.

"Blair?!" he called, but there was no reaction. Blair hung limp in his arms.

Michael had no choice but to hold his head and shoulders like a child against his chest to keep the dead weight from falling. After calling for Blair again he manhandled him sideways onto the gurney. When he had guided his head down he switched on a nearby heartmonitor and clipped the sensor onto Blair's index finger. Then he lifted his patient's legs onto the table and placed a large pillow under them to keep them elevated. Additionally he elevated the upper part of the gurney. He rested his hand on Blair's clammy forehead to check his temperature.

"Blair? Are you with me?" he lifted his eyelids to inspect the pupils when Jim entered the infirmary.

"What happened?" his voice was tense.

"He just collapsed. He's out cold." Michael answered without looking up while taking his blood pressure.

"Damn…. He already looked like falling over for over an hour, he must be more than exhausted. The flight did more to him than I expected and the road …. and I fear he skipped at least two doses of painkillers he should've taken today."

"He did what? Dammit!…. he must be really hurting."

"Sorry, I tried but… he's been a real ungrateful patient lately and I couldn't force them down his throat…. Well as long as he's out maybe you should take the chance." Now Jim laid his hand on Blair's forehead while Michael went to the fridge. Carefully his other hand took Blair's wrist although the heartmonitor was good to be heard, but he again needed to feel his guide's presence that way.

"Exactly my thought, would you help me?" he carried some medication and a hep-lock to the small table next to the gurney.

Jim was opening Blair's shirt when Michael inserted the cannula into the outside of Blair's hand, took some blood and then injected a painkiller and some vitamins.

"Did he take the antibiotics?" Michael asked while working.

"Yeah, I watched him this morning but that was the last.. dammit! … they are in his pack, I'll count them." And Jim went over to the backpack that hung over the back of the wheelchair and searched for the bottle and counted.

"Two too much which means he skipped at lunch and dinner. "

"Ok that's not good, I ordered that stuff in liquid form as a precaution and Ethan picked it up this morning just in case he had problems keeping the pills down… guess it was a good idea." He brought an IV-bag from the fridge and connected the tube to the port.

"Oh, Dammit!…" Jim cursed when they removed Blair's pants carefully and the bandage apeared. He smelled blood. "….he's started to bleed sometime today…" Michael removed the dressing and it was blotted red and brown all over. He inspected the wounds carefully while Michael assembled further stuff.

"He's torn two stitches in the back, front's ok though."

"Whew, no wonder he's in pain. … and he seems good in hiding it… why do you think he didn't said so or take the meds?" Michael wanted to know.

"Well, that's Blair. Welcome to the Sandburg zone!"

"I'll better get a local before we repair this…." Michael was already busy getting the suture stuff and another syringe. When he administered the local Blair didn't show any sign of life. Michael cleansed the frayed wound edges and sutured the wound anew. Jim assisted him without questioning.

"You have medical education?" Michael raised his eyebrows.

"Medic in the army."

"Blair said that you have some severe sensibilities. How do you manage in your job?"

"This is a confidential conversation?"

"If you wish it is hereby."

"Ok, to be honest, that is how Blair and I became friends, he is the one taking care of my _problems_…. Without him I'd never survived this ….. stuff." Jim answered, not sure what to say.

"But… did I miss something important here? He's not a doctor, right? But you _have_ a doctor caring for these problems, right? How comes he….?"

"It's quite … complicated…. He's the most qualified person for the job there is I think…. more than any doc I ever had….. And he has my medical power of attorney… but let's discuss this when he's awake, okay?"

"That's why he was with you in that shootout?"

"Well, kind of… he's an official observer with the CascadePD to help me with my needs… besides he is the best friend I ever had."

They redressed the wound and decided that Blair'd spend the night in the infirmary. So Michael prepared a bed and Jim took off Blair's socks. They brought the gurney next to the bed and gently lifted him over. Jim sighted inwardly as he tugged his guide in and stroked his forehead again.

"I want him to sleep all night." Michael stated and inserted another medication into the line.

"Yeah, good idea, he's had problems with insomnia a lot lately."

"Ok, this will make him sleep until the morning. You want to take a shower? There's an extra bathroom in here, exceptionally you can use it. I'll ask the nurse to stay in here tonight. I want him monitored."

"No need, I'll stay here. Just let me take a shower first, then you can go to bed."

"You're sure? You had a hard day and that's what the nurse is here for."

"Yeah, wouldn't be able to relax there. It's fine, may I use the gurney?"

"No, take the other bed!…. Okay. I'll wait until you're finished and grabbed your stuff, and then head to bed myself. There's the phone, here's my number…" he wrote three numbers on a pad and placed it next to the phone at the desk.

"Thank you, Michael!" Jim gave him a tired smile and headed for their luggage.

* * *

_I am a bit insecure about this, this is my first time to write FF and my first time to write something in English. Please let me know what you think and review._


	4. Chapter 4 - Second Day at the Camp

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 4**

_After 'Survival' Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover. NO SLASH. A digging site in the desert, depressions, PTSD._

_English is not my native language ( I am German) and I hope you'll excuse grammar and spelling mistakes._

_I wrote this story some time ago and because i was not happy with it I left it alone for two years. I don't know if it is worth it to work on it again and to finish it, and I needed a long time to dare to publish anything at all. I am still not sure I am happy with this. Constructive criticism welcome._

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made._

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Second day at the camp **

The next morning Blair woke up with a headache and disoriented. It took him a few minutes to figure out where he was.

"Jim?" Blair asked after opening his eyes.

"Here." Jim responded without moving or showing great deal of empathy. He was leaning against the second bed, fully dressed.

"What happened? What day is it?"

"You spend the night at the infirmary, me too, by the way. You didn't take your meds and your antibiotics and pulled two stitches and didn't do a good job caring for yourself so you finally not just ended here but did a nosedive leaving me and Michael to clean up the mess…. and it's Tuesday." Jim sounded kind of pissed and Blair winced inwardly when his memory returned. He closed his eyes. Dammit…

"Geez, Jim… I wasn't…. " Blair started.

"What? … Thinking, yeah… got that already… get up, I need some coffee after the night in a hospital bed smelling like disinfectant!" Jim didn't move, his arms crossed over his chest. "And by the way… 'cause of this little stunt you pulled last night you're confined to this beautiful chair another two days. Congratulations, bet that was exactly what you wanted. " His voice full of sarcasm. He turned around and started gathering his stuff.

"Come on, man… Just …" Blair tried to talk himself out of it but was interrupted.

"Get up Sandburg and talk about it with Michael. I'll cuff you into it if that's what it takes you to follow your doc's orders."

Blair bit on his lips while slowly crawling out of the high bed, when he lifted his legs over the side of the bed he winced at the renewed pain. Jim was obviously in a really bad mood so he tried to hurry to get up. Jim threw him his clothes and he managed to get dressed half sitting and not falling of the bed. The Sentinel left and came back a few minutes later when Blair had finally settled down in the waiting wheelchair and stirred for the doors.

"Take your hands to yourself, Sandburg!" Jim grumbled when he took over the chair and starting to push Blair towards the doors himself. Blair capitulated, lifted his hand and mumbled "Fine!" starting to feel disencouraged.

After their first large cup of coffee Jim's mood started to get better. Blair felt ashamed of causing his partner so much trouble and how the last day had turned out. When Jim started smalltalk he went with it and soon others joined them in the mess hall for breakfast. Although not in the mood for conversation Jim and Blair found themselves in the middle of it when two students recognized Blair and asked if they could join them on the table, soon others joined and they were talking about the digging, and the fact that Jim was with the CascadePD.

They had a lazy first morning, spending it with familiarizing themselves with the grounds and the camp.

After lunch Blair was fetched by Michael and taken to the infirmary again. Jim went to their room hoping Michael would make Blair understand the dos and don'ts of his recovery.

Blair reappeared at their room even quieter than before. Michael must have been clear about what he though about Blair's behavior.

"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" Jim tried to start another conversation when Blair had just grunted in answer to the question what Michael had said and how the leg was.

"I'm supposed to rest, elevate the leg and have a nice relaxed day. If I am a good patient I am allowed to go to the digging site the day after tomorrow with some nice crutches, but only if I stay in the chair until tomorrow noon's check-up and the wound looks fine in the next morning." His voiced dripped with sarcasm and frustration.

"OK, so let's relax copious and excessive." Jim grinned… and Blair smiled back a bit hesitantly.

Although his intention, when he had left the infirmary, had been different. He had wanted to apologize to his partner. Michael had not only given him a dress down, he had also pointed out how much effort Jim had put into getting him a nice break and scolded him for giving the impression that he wasn't grateful, maybe even wasn't liking it? Well he was grateful, he was excited about being here and thankful for a change of tapestry. He meekly had tried to explain to Michael but…. he tried to keep his dark thoughts to himself, in fact he was ashamed to even have them and ashamed of his panic attacks he'd had at the hospital and on the flight. Jim's bad mood was legitimate, in fact he was also in a bad mood about himself, and how he was, and felt, and his low spirits. He deserved Jim's criticism and decided to get less on everybody's nerves and do what they wanted in order to heal.

"Blair?" Jim's voice interrupted his thoughts. He lifted his gaze to a worried looking Sentinel, realizing his breathing was faster than normal. He forced a smile.

"Yeah?"

"I asked if you were ready to check out the library and the stored artifacts already found here - as Ethan offered to show us - maybe it's a nice idea…" Jim's suggested.

"Yeah, ok…" Blair tried to sound like liking the idea but was just glad to be able to head somewhere else than into another anxiety attack he had headed towards moments before.

"Maybe get a shower afterwards?" Jim offered.

"Yeah, that'd be great." Blair answered unenthusiastically, he had already missed to shower yesterday… the problem was he needed assistance to make sure the wound stayed dry and he hated to have to ask for help with his personal care by anyone right now. At least it was Jim, being touched by strangers was torture right now. To be fresh and clean after the journey would be nice… and the least thing he could do for Jim's good.. was not to stink … he smiled up at Jim who had just stood up, this time a small true smile on his face. Jim was doing his best to encourage and help him.

They went to the storage area and had a nice time with Ethan who showed them the latest discoveries and explained their meanings to Blair and gave a general lecture for Jim about what this was all about.

In the evening Blair had a first physical therapy- session with Michael which exhausted him more than he had thought. The pain war far worse than he had expected and he was soaked with sweat when he returned to their room. He was really glad to have that shower and had to face the fact that he still needed help with it.

* * *

_I am not sure if I should go on with this, please write a review!_


	5. Chapter 5 - Meeting Helen

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 5**

_After 'Survival' Jim organizes a vacation to give Blair time to recover. NO SLASH! A digging site in the desert, depressions, PTSD._

_English is not my native language (I am German) and I hope you'll excuse grammar and spelling mistakes, or tell me about them so I can fix it._

_I wrote this story some time ago and because I was not happy with it (and because I was not sure I would ever be brave enough to publish it) I left it alone for two years. I don't know if it's worth it to work on it again and to finish it. I am still not sure I am satisfied with this. _

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made._

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Meeting Helen **

Wednesday went by slowly, they spend the day relaxing, maybe partially even bored.

Noon the next day Michael and Blair had finished another round of PT.

"You can leave the wheelchair alone from now, but only if you promise you will not wander around for the rest of the day more than absolutely necessary."

"'kay." Blair mumbled.

"Today is Thursday, if you want to you can go to the digging site on Saturday with the others." Michael tried to encourage him, but even this didn't seem to lighten Blair's mood.

Jim had told Michael at dinner last night that he was worried because Blair wasn't himself. He just didn't seem to be able enjoy himself. He was talking less than usual, rarely used his hands while talking and seldom smiled, but at least all of this stuff occurred a little more often than during the last week.

Afternoon found them at the pool, reading, feeling a bit like aliens because almost everybody else seemed pretty much busy.

It was time Blair got involved in the work, he wouldn't be able to be 'useless' for another day without getting a nervous wreck, Jim feared. His leg was better and he was allowed to use the walking aids. Michael's almost unconscious way of dictating stuff concerning his patients seemed to work. He was able to dominate without suppressing. His aura of command in medical things worked a great deal. No discussion - no mercy - just commands and they were followed, on the other hand - though his mind's touch was tight and straight and directing and leading his physical touch was gentle but steadying like a rock… and kind. Not dominant, no force, just patience and caring, with support that seemed rooted so deep that it would be able to carry almost every burden. His statue didn't look trained but his movements clearly proved he was skillful in using his physical strength. His black-gray long and stick-straight hair fall down to the middle of his back. The ponytail amazingly stayed where it was supposed to - on his back. He wore small oval glasses and his blue eyes were always analyzing, awake and they seemed to inhale every information possible. Blair had liked him from their first meeting, and now followed his orders almost without questioning. Jim was astonished, he had feared Blair would be a constant pain in the ass as a patient. But after the first two days he had started to relax at least.

Right now he was reading a detailed report written by Ethan, about what they were doing at the excavations, their progress and their discoveries up to the last month. Blair was trying to get his mind busy with other things than his dark thoughts. Jim's plan seemed to start working.

At dinner last night Blair had been almost half asleep but had a conversation with one of the students. Helen was a black-haired and white skinned anthro-student working on getting her Ph.D. as it turned out. Her tight hairdo and stern behavior was opposite to her crumpled and worn down but pitch-black clothes. Almost as if they were old and worn and then hand been dyed black again. In contrast to almost everybody else in the camp her legs and arms were constantly covered with cloth. It wasn't summer yet, but it was nice t-shirt weather. She looked constantly cold and tired, dark rings under her eyes underlining that.

Now she came by the pool, bringing some more information about the digging site for Blair. They chatted and after some time listening to them Jim had to completely rethink his opinion - her behavior wasn't austere any longer if you granted her thirty minutes of getting to know her. She had a wise aura, she seemed victorian on the outside but soon he saw that she seemed worn by life and distanced because of bad experiences, which Blair later described as 'distanced and a coat covering her soul's scars under acerbity' after she had left. He seemed to like her.

"You're coming with us to the site on Saturday?" Blair asked, interrupting Jim's musings that had him brought far away from the book he was reading already.

"Depends….. yeah, … guess so."

"You don't have to if you'd prefer the pool." Blair seemed to have a hard time sounding casual.

"Actually it sounds interesting and I'd like to…" he asked himself if he was really interested or if it was his blessed protector mode at work. "You're sure you're ready to work?"

"Michael allowed it if I reduce walking to a minimum, stay out of things that include earth-moving and just do studying. Brushing some pods free and documenting - in short - keep it low for the beginning, listen to my body and come back in case I don't feel good."

"Sounds manageable for anyone not familiar or within the Sandburg-zone. Sure you can keep the ball low?"

"Guess you'll kindly remind me if I forget." Sarcasm tainted Blair's words but he grinned. It was a bit lame but a grin.

"Good to have a task in life." Jim meant it was a joke but the moment he said it he regretted it. Waiting for Blair's reaction he looked up at his partner and tried to put a fat smile on his face to minimize the possible damage to his friend's mood. But Blair seemed to have understood it as it was meant - a mocking of a friend. Jim sighted inwardly and felt his smile expand to his eyes. When had he become to sensible to Blair's feelings? Maybe it was rubbing off from Blair to him. Usually Blair was the one picking up vibes and auras or may be he got it from Naomi's last visit. Blair seemed eased to know Jim was coming with them.

In the evening they made themselves more familiar with the exterior of the camp and its outside facilities. Ethan and Helen accompanied them and provided more or less necessary information. Since Blair had been in the wheelchair before they had just had a quick glimpse at it from just stepping outside for a few minutes.

"The camp was the residence of a well known and rich archeologist in the thirties and fourties, he built the main building and the 'road'. The site was abandoned until a dubious rich family clan used it in the seventies, it is said they were in the drug-business. They added the back part of the building where the mess hall and the infirmary are now, as well as the pool and the sanitary facilities." Ethan explained. "After the head of the family died under mysterious circumstances the area was vacated again in the mid eighties. When our faculty decided to start a digging site they bought it from the Mexican government."

They stood at the pool and looked to the picnic site with a fire-place and a brick-built mixture of an oven and a barbecue in the back. The compound was quite large but mainly desert. The garden around the building however had a lot of dry bushes and desert plants in it.

"We supplied the sun shields and the tents and some of the furniture, everything else was already here, even some really fancy desks, chairs and wardrobes."

They walked around the only solid building among the tents. In the back was an area where some of the staff grew vegetables for the cooks delight. Staff quarters mostly consists of two almost oval rows of large tents, supplying sleeping accommodation for two persons each with working space inclusive. They were told that due to the temperatures most of the students preferred to work at the outdoor working area with large tables located between the BBQ and the pool where some small trees and the sun shields provided protection from the sun.

Blair grew tired fast, the PT he did with Michael had been hard on him. So they kept the walk short and when Ethan and Helen headed for the mess hall they split because Blair stated he needed to rest for a few minutes.

Jim followed him towards their room.

"Dinner time will be over in half an hour, why don't we just have a fast meal and then you lay down?"

"Sorry, tired…." Blair mumbled, entered their room and sat down on the bed under the window. He leaned the crutches against the bed, but when he laid down with his back to Jim they clattered to the ground. Blair ignored it. Jim still stood in the door, frowning. Blair's heartbeat was not as slow as it should be if he was near falling asleep. He understood he had been shut out and decided it was no use to push him. He headed for the mess hall and after eating with Nathaniel and Michael prepared a plate with bread and some fresh vegetables for Blair to eat later. Blair wasn't eating right and in combination with antibiotics this wasn't a good idea.

When Jim came back later Blair was asleep with a book in his hand and some notes next to him. At least this was a familiar sight.

Friday Blair skipped lunch because he was so tired after PT he went for a nap and slept until four o'clock. When he finally stepped out to the pool area where Jim was chatting with two young students he was grumpy and exhausted. Jim hoped the visit to the digging site would do them both good.

* * *

_I don't know if this is worth working on again and to finish it. Constructive criticism welcome._


	6. Chapter 6 - Visiting the Digging Site

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 6**

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands and no profit is being made._

* * *

**Chapter 6 – First visit to the digging site**

Saturday morning Jim and Blair got up and headed to the jeeps early. Two students followed them and Nathaniel and Ethan were already at the parking lot waiting with three more persons.

"Hey, good morning." Nathaniel greeted. "It works this way. We meet here in the morning. As soon as there are enough people to fill a car a jeep leaves. If you want to go you just come here in the morning. If that car… "he pointed to an different colored one than all the others "… is gone you won't get a ride, because that leaves last."

"Got it." Blair managed a willed smile. They climbed into two jeeps and hit the road. Nathaniel and one of the students stayed behind waiting for enough people to fill the next car.

Well, road is a bit exaggerated, Jim thought, it didn't matter where the car went, the ground seemed to look the same everywhere, not even an earth road was really visible. But Ethan seemed to know some more cause he did curves at times.

Blair was in the front row with Ethan and seemed to watch every passing stone with interest, bouncing with the rhythm of eighty's music from a tape and the bumps in the road. Sometimes he frowned at an extra hard one. He seemed to handle the pain really well, Jim knew those where not easy with a shot right through. He assumed Blair took his pain medication regularly now.

The ride was really dusty and it was already pretty hot outside. A cloud of dispersed dust colored the air behind the car. Making them visible from a far distance. Jim tasted the fine sand between his teeth and realized why Blair had wrapped his bandanna around his head before they entered the cars. The downside of having long hair on expeditions.

"How do you navigate here?" Blair asked.

"We have passed several marked spots, indicating that one needs to make a 45° curve here to reach a site." Ethan explained and pointed out how the spots looked like.

After about 20 minutes they reached Site4, one jeep was already there. People were busy next to a couple of tents and in or at neatly digged rectangular holes in the ground.

"You want me to give you the tour?" Ethan offered and they followed him around, slowly because of Blair's crutches. Ethan explained what they had already found and what was to happen next at the numbered digging places. Jim didn't understand half of it because it was archaeological slang. Blair seemed to know every word of it and listened carefully. He seemed also focussed for the first time in weeks and even partly enjoying himself. Two more jeeps arrived in the next half hour. One of them was driven by Helen, she obviously was more than a student. She was assigned to several tasks that needed far more responsibility than the average student would be allowed.

When Nathaniel asked Blair for his opinion with a certain question about this site and his anthropological view Blair was eager to help. Jim's mind was eased about this fact and he felt some tension leave him. Maybe this was the first stage of his guide getting better after the whole Quinn-catastrophe.

When Jim settled into bed that evening he was a bit relieved. Blair seemed to have loosened up at least a bit today. He was still distant but he had seemed to like today's work and being in his field of expertise. He was already asleep, still an unfamiliar sight, Blair sleeping and not his hyperactive self.

Jim wondered how much he was aware of how different he behaved himself.

The majority of the camp slept in on Sunday.

When Blair got up Jim's bed was empty. He looked around in the empty room. It had never been this silent in the camp at daytime. The emptiness and the silence felt like pressing down on him. He knew that feeling. He'd had depressions and anxiety attacks before. When he was honest with himself, and he knew after three weeks he had to face it some time soon, that he was getting a problem. It didn't went away. Jim had criticized several times that he was not taking care of his body in the past weeks but if he had worried about depressions he had never really spoken to him about it…. Being depressed was probably something that just didn't happen in a ex-Special-OP's world. Well, the doctor in the hospital had recommended he took some ADs but he had refused.

He realized thinking about this was making things, especially the anxiety worse and he got up.

Breakfast and lunch had melted into each other and some people seemed to spend the whole day in the climatized mess hall. Blair entered in the search for some coffee. Someone had decorated the room with a large banner that said: _Welcome back, Geoffrey!_

"What is that about?" he asked Helen, who sat at a table with Ethan and two students, who were hunched over several maps.

"Geoffrey is the best friend of Nathaniel and he spends his summers here at the camp with us. He is sitting over there with Nathaniel." He pointed towards the small sofa on the other side of the room. Nathaniel and Michael were sitting there with another men, talking and laughing. "He is an exceptionally gifted cook and will do the kitchen for a few months. This is his way of enjoying his retirement." Ethan explained. "So from now on there will real fine meals… at least if we can manage to buy the stuff needed to cook them. I will introduce you later, for now I don't want to interrupt their reunion, Nathaniel was really looking forward to have him here. They know each other since school and after his wife died Geoffrey helped him and Michael get back on his feet."

"Oh, great." Blair tried to sound enthusiastic and forced a smile. No need to show the whole camp how dark his mood was, but when Ethan looked up he saw his frown and that he held back the question how he was. Great! So it was written on his face. He thought about returning to their room when Jim entered and came over.

"So he was a cook before he retired?" Blair tried to make smalltalk.

"No." Ethan didn't seem to want to elaborate.

"So, what is he? Another archaeologist?"

"No, he is a doctor."

"In what?"

"Neurology and Psychology."

Blair didn't know what to say to that. But the fact that he had needed to pull the information out of Ethan's teeth was not really encouraging.

"Hey, is there some coffee somewhere?" Jim looked as if he just came from the showers. "I'll get some coffee, sit down."

Blair sat down a few feet away from everyone, slightly fuming inside about the fact that Jim told him what to do and underlined his weakness in front of the others.

Jim put the mug in front of Blair and went to get some bread and fruits. A minute later he returned with two plates.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, Sandburg, so dig in."

"Could you please not mother hen me like this?"

"Sorry, but you seem to have forgotten yourself, so I thought I make you remember."

"I don't need to be remembered." Blair almost hissed.

Jim sat down in front of him.

"You know what, genius, I miss that talking side of yours and I thought you might be a bit better with some sugar in your system."

"I don't believe you. You know how often you told me to shut up and complained about me being a nuisance talking all day and being hyperactive?… Now I am too tired and you want to make me act them for you?…. "

"Blair… I…." Jim tried to soothe. Blair was getting it all wrong. He frowned while trying to understand the utterances. But before he could decipher any of them Blair had stood up and took his coffee with him. He vanished and Jim heard him head for their room. Ethan threw him a questioning look but Jim just shook his head in growing frustration.

Blair had needed to escape the constant presence of students, Jim and all the staff… and Geoffrey. He had found out it was possible to climb on the roof and that seldomly people did so. So he spend the afternoon on that roof.

It was getting dark and the day had been kind of cloudy. The fact that Geoffrey turned out to be a doctor and psychologist made Blair want to flee. The last thing he needed, more eyes on his behaviour. He was sure Geoffrey was not here because of him, but in the way Geoffrey had watched his every move during Blair could feel Geoffrey knew who he was and why they were here and was asked to keep an eye on him. On one hand it made him feel even more vulnerable than he already did and also angry about not being asked. On the other hand he was moved by the fact how his friends tried to get him every help possible. The thing was he was not convinced there was something that would help at all, so where was the use in all this?

For the first time he felt ashamed for being such a baby and not like Jim able to leave his emotions at the door when needed. This was a first time, he usually was convinced emotions were good and to embrace them to be a good human, but somehow the former knowledge seemed to have turned into empty words. He was constantly unnerved by himself, his behaviour, of what he said and how he felt.

He hated to be weak, he hated to feel panic and he hated that others felt the need to help him because he wasn't able to do it himself. He was just so tired, tired of himself and of the absurdness of life.

When he felt the tears rise he let them fall, maybe all he needed to do was vent and wait for things to get better.

* * *

….

I don't know if this is worth working on again and to finish it. Constructive criticism welcome.


	7. Chapter 7 - Relaxing

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 7**

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands __and no profit is being made._

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Relaxing**

Monday morning they started early and headed to the digging site with three trucks and overall twelve people. With them were Ethan, Nathaniel and Helen, she wore a black fishing hat and a grumpy expression on her face. Her voice was as deep and balanced as the days before, but in contrast to her facial expression it didn't show any grumpiness at all. It sounded just kind and relaxed.

They had some Smalltalk and after about 20 minutes reached the digging site.

The students and professors spilled all over the digging area. Pretty busy, pretty fast. In the beginning Blair and Jim just followed Ethan, but seeing he was busy with organizing stuff Blair decided to join Helen. Jim just sat back next to their pitch and watched the spectacle around him unfold. The morning view of the distant mountains and the desert and the sun climbing higher was a spectacle itself. But soon he was also involved talking with Helen and Blair working in a pitch about 4 or 5 feet deep with paint-brushes and hand-brooms. 'Cause, in fact, it _was_ interesting. Similar to very, very slow detective work.

They had a good time, chatting with the students and Helen about their fields of studies, Blair's expertise was welcome and soon they were fully integrated in the working process.

At lunchtime the whole group met behind the large tent that was build to protect findings and equipment and was one of the few sources of shadow in the area. A few trees were scattered in the area but their canopy wasn't the thickest. They had a picnic and the atmosphere was quite good. Though everybody was complaining about the always present dust that crawled into everything and everywhere.

Helen and Blair seems to find a lot of conversation topics and were chatting constantly. For the first time in days Blair's mood had lifted visibly. He seemed to have relaxed and Jim was glad that his plan seemed to work. The ghost of a smile crossed this face. He even had to slow Blair down but only once when he tried to crawl into the pitch down to the ground.

In the afternoon work slowed down. Everybody looked forward to showers, dinner and a campfire. At about 16.00 they headed back to the vehicles. It took some time to get everyone settled in the jeeps and they headed back to the camp.

Dinner was quite a loud event in the crowded mess hall and Blair urged Jim to dial his hearing down a notch. Geoffrey had arrived this morning while they were away and indulged his hobby to cook already - the meal was extraordinary good. This was the first opportunity to meet him and Nathaniel introduced him to the group.

Later Blair had another conversation with Helen and Jim enjoyed the atmosphere of his surroundings once more. _Though it was quite loud and messy there was something relaxed and…. kind of a home-like feeling… or what was it? _He asked himself if this was what it was like to be a professor of anthropology and a teacher. To work like this. Sure, it was really a lot of work, physical and mental, the last days had him convinced once more: digging in the heat, concentrating all the time, watching every move.. the job was a lot like a crime scene investigator. On the other hand relaxing at night with the familiy-like group was nice - though here also the main toppic of conversation seemed to be archaeological stuff.

This was such a severe contrast to his life, education and time after high school…. And the military.. he wondered what his life had been like if he'd studied after school. Would he've had a good time while learning? A good time like this or a good time like the average football-star-stundent dating all day and partying? Funny how fun seemed to be different for students of different disciplines. His academic life would've looked a lot different than Sandburg's he assumed and grinned. It was obious Blair loved this style of life, here even more than at the U. He had given up so much for working with the Sentinel topic and Jim wondered how he could ever give him a bit of that made sacrifices back. How much was he missing excavations like this? What would have happened if he'd went to Borneo…. And why had he been so demanding towards Blair back then? What else of the good side of being a doctorate was Blair giving up for him and being his partner? Obviously this was a good side. Working through the nights during exams, correcting papers during spring break, weekends and nights, researching at holidays - the bad side of the job seemed to have a tight grip on Blair and then he also had to deal with such BS like the Quinn-thing happening cause he was working with Jim…. That's all the bad stuff… and the good stuff he's missing cause of me, Jim realized.

His gaze shifted to Helen and Blair when he heard his guide's laugh - a seldom event during these last weeks and it eased him a bit that Blair seemed to have a good evening at least.

When Jim stood up and got his second beer Ethan joined him at the table with the beverages.

"Hey, everything ok? You seemed a bit distracted." Ethan asked.

"Is this how life is here all the time?"

"Well, at the beginning of the semester it's usually quite relaxed - like now, but in about four weeks it gets a lot busier and the workload increases, peaking at the end of semester. Summers are quite hot here and then also a lot of changes happen. People moving in and others leaving, interns are here during vacations at home. This is the best time of the year, not to hot, not too much work, people already know each other a bit, things evolve… but yeah, the atmosphere is almost always like this - it's a nice working environment. I love it! Under these circumstances I don't care to work 10 hours a day, exept in mid-summer, then it's just too hot, the heat is mercyless…. I love it… This is totally new for you, detective?"

He grinned and they sat down on the couch and comforter in one corner of the room.

They had quite a nice talk for about half an hour. Then Michael and Geoffrey joined the group and the chattering grew even louder.

Jim decided to go to their room after another hour and greeted them good night, finally told Blair where he went and settled in one of the beds with his book.

Blair came back over an hour later. They hadn't talked a lot during those last days. Blair was over all not his usual self. He was pretty quiet, polite, tired and quiet, Jim started worrying more again, because Blair only seemed to communicate when others wanted him to, his eating habits since they arrived were also pretty messed up. Blair once more went to bed with only a minimal amount of talking.

Blair hoped Jim would be asleep soon so he could go on reading. Jim wore his sleeping mask and the white noise generator-ear-plugs that were supposed to make him relax in the environment by blocking out the input enough to make him sleep. Blair knew nowhere in the loft he was safe from Jim's senses. The man sensed everything he did, but in here where they shared a room he felt robbed of his imagined privacy a bit. Jim seemed to sleep, but …. Well, it didn't matter….

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_ Constructive criticism welcome. If anyone is interested in this being continued please tell me… ' cause I kind of fear that it is so bad none even cares to follow. So tell me what I am doing wrong, please._


	8. Chapter 8 - Not getting better

**Vacation at a Digging Site – Chapter 8**

_Standard disclaimer: Jim, Blair and Simon and several other mentioned characters belong to PetFly and the guys who created them. I just borrowed them for fun. I wrote this for my personal delight and improving my English, no copyright infringement intended. No money changed hands __and no profit is being made._

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**Day 9 - Tuesday**

At 0700 hours the next morning Jim's watch beeped signaling the ending of their ninth night at the camp. Jim headed for the shower immediately while Blair turned in his bed and dozed for a few minutes more. They went to the mess hall for breakfast. Blair only getting a cup of coffee and some yogurt.

"You should think about a few more calories for breakfast, Sandburg." Jim commented Blair's eating habbits for the first time out loud.

"I'm not hungry, leave it alone, would you!" Blair seemed slightly bugged this morning and Jim decided to leave it alone for now. Last night Blair had convinced Michael that he didn't need a day off the digging sites and was allowed to go, since his PT was progressing fast.

They met Ethan at the mess door a few minutes later, with packed lunch-boxes and backpacks. At least Blair had packed some food that had almost enough calories for a lunch in it.

….

They arrived at the site some time later. Jim had learned the basic rules af archaeology diggings during the past days. Today he even contributed to their work by using his senses to feel for certain residues in the earth, that might indicate digging at that spot might bring up something important. Of course he and Blair made sure carefully noone was aware of what they did.

"Maybe we should use this opportunity to do some test with my senses…. " Jim started the thing again near noon. "I feel like I should be able to smell more here than I do. Care to sit down by that empty pitch over there?" Jim tried to encourage his guide when everything seemed to go slow and cumbersome at the site. It had been quiescent all day. One could almost say boring. Noone seemed enthusiastic about working, finding or whatever. Blair was also quieter than usual and Jim had the urge make him to losen up or get him to light up even a bit.

Blair raised his eyebrows.

"You're enlisting to test your senses here, Jim?… do I need to worry? You're ok?… Something bothering you? Any spikes?…." he sounded apprehensive but then his expression changed and his voice changed, too "… or are you doing this out of pitty?" he sounded slightly pissed speaking the last words.

'Great, Ellison, just great, should have learned by now he always reads between the lines!' Jim remembered.

"No, I'm sorry you got that impression. I'm just a bit eager to get a minute dose of action here. Guess I'm a bit underemployed today."

Blair's features softened. Jim wondered where this kind of allergy about pity originated.

"Besides, I have never and will never pity you. All I do is trying to help here, Chief." 'Maybe not the best strain of words/topics here' he wondered if he should just drop the theme right here.

Blair stat down in a half-lotus at the rim of the hole digged neatly into the ground at the furthest away location at the site. He burrowed his face in his hands and sighted.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I'm just a bit tense today."

"Yeah, but I'm glad you seem to enjoy yourself at least a bit and have some nice talkings to do." He padded his guide's shoulder and smiled at him.

"Yeah, thanks" he smiled back. "want to try to find out what was stored in the clay pots over there by smelling the surrounding earth?" he enthusiastically hinted to an area with potsherds all over. During the following hours they worked themselfes through every bit of pottery on the scene.

….

The evening left him pessimistic again when he recongnized that Blair only ate solid food when Jim urged him to, and then even looking a bit green after eating. He seemed to survive on coffee, orange juice, sometimes a single fruit or a slice of bread. Jim hadn't monitored his eating while he was in hospital, he usually had left for the station or to organize stuff at meal times, also knowing hospital food was really hard to digest. But now that he was able to survey his guide's eating habits he was alarmed. Whenever he tried to urge him to eat Blair grew resentful and Jim backed off not willing to worsen the mood.

Blair's mood seemed to worsen constantly again, though his leg was getting better. Michael had controlled the progress of it's healing every day, about which Blair wasn't happy. He doesn't seem to listen to Michael's admonition to go easy on it. In fact today he seemed to have done the opposite than to treat it with care. He worked in the dirt and sand getting the bandage pretty dirty. He had only worn shorts and didn't appreciated the fact that he should protect the bandages with long pant legs as suggested by Jim. Michael scolded him but it had no visible effect other than he asked Jim to change the dressings cause he stated he didn't wanted to bother Michael, but Jim feared he wasn't in the mood to get another dress-down. He wanted to have a look at the wound himself so he did as asked. To his dismay it didn't look better than three days ago when he had last seen is. Maybe was even worse. But at least it didn't smell infected so he treated it with the antibacterial ointment and redressed it.

When they laid down to sleep Blair knew this would be another long sleepless night. He took his book and hoped Jim would be asleep fast and wouldn't recognize. He was really tired since the past nights were filled with sleepless rolling on his bed and short episodes of nightmare-filled dozing. He felt exhausted and on the edge and asked himself how long this could go on or how long he'd have the strength to stand his dark thoughts about how useless life was that bugged him constantly and with increasing intensity. Somehow he had expected that once he left Cascade the darkness of the past weeks would stay behind. That being somewhere else would be different. But now he realized the things that were left there were so tiny they didn't matter at all. He asked himself if it was even possible to leave the darkness anywhere behind at all. How could he have been so naïve to think everything would be alright once he was here? The realization of his mistake killed more of the few positive thoughts he had about being away.

Had he thought his doubts and tiredness would just fall off the moment he went away? Not really… but he realized he had worked towards the point of leaving for having a good time…. A vacation from it all. He had fixated on preparing the trip and that it'd be great to be on an excursion again. Now, he realized he had fallen into a dark hole. He was here, but inside his mind it was as dark as it had been in Cascade. He had taken the darkness with him. It wasn't the circumstances that provided happiness and fun automatically. Or were they here and he was just not able to see them?

There was just nothing left that he was looking forward to now, and this fact left him without direction. Yeah, he wanted to go see the digging sites but…. was it because he was eager of looking forward to it? Or was it just habit to know he usually did… he realized he felt nothing. No joy, no expectation, no curiosity, nothing. No difference between going to the site, the infirmary or to do Jim's paperwork….or nowhere… for the first time he realized he felt in fact numb… surrounded by dullness and empty space.

But he'd had depressive episodes before and therapy had taught him that those will pass so he tried to think positive thoughts and go on stubbornly until it got better…. But he had to admit it was harder and harder to keep the panic attacks away. It took a lot of energy.

He needed a long time to slip into sleep that night. And Jim took notice, again.

When he finally slept it was only for about two hours until Blair started stirring in his bed. Jim heard his heartbeat pick up speed and sat up. When Blair's breathing came faster he stood up and sat next to the sleeping guide on the bed. Blair started to whisper in his sleep and Jim was sure he had a nightmare now. He leanded over Blair and although this was not his thing he knew Blair might welcome a grounding touch and he rubbed his upper arm to soothe him.

"Hey there… wake up, Chief….. "

Sandburg's left hand grabbed the sheet almost violently, as if trying to keep himself steady. His head shifted from one side to the other.

"Easy…. Easy buddy, you're fine…. Come on, wake up…."

Blair seemed to try to get his breathing under control though he was still sleeping, he blew out his breath slowly.

"Come on, Blair…. Wake up and realize you are safe…" Jim reached for his cheek to feel his temp. Blair was clammy and cold. Blair moaned but didn't really wake up.

"Chief?"

"Hmmmm…."

"It's okay… just sleep…. You are having a nightmare…. Just know that you are safe and sleep." Jim informed.

"Ehm-hm." Blair agreed and calmed down. Jim grinned…. In sleep suggestion…. Maybe he should try this more often.

Blair's pulse slowed down and Jim could feel him slip into deep sleep soon after that. He returned to his own bed, but it took some time until he managed to make the worry leave him alone enough to sleep again.

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_A/N:_

_Please give me some feedback._


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